What could cause this flake to fail on my computer and succeed on another?

Looks like your copy of flake.nix (the file, not the code) is using DOS line endings:

❯ nix shell nixpkgs#toybox
❯ unix2dos ./flake.nix 
❯ nix develop        
error: builder for '/nix/store/bn0gx56rasjhx41kgm5921nk784k8496-python3.11-jina-hubble-sdk-0.39.0.drv' failed with exit code 127;
...
       > /nix/store/v099hqvw5z87423p4hz1vfhzaqa07dii-stdenv-linux/setup: line 114: $'\r': command not found
       > /nix/store/v099hqvw5z87423p4hz1vfhzaqa07dii-stdenv-linux/setup: line 131: pop_var_context: head of shell_variabl
...

❯ dos2unix ./flake.nix  
❯ nix develop

/tmp/tmp.JzhsSBmlx8 via ❄️  impure (nix-shell-env) 
❯