Thanks, everyone, for the sharp, insightful feedback. This is a great discussion.
I wanted to address a couple of the major themes that came up.
On Purity: Trusting External Package Managers
Completely agree with Nix was able to achieve the impossible only through “refusing to compromise”.
The case of “trust existing package managers” perhaps could be a special case for leaf-node applications – e.g., for web-apps like ours that use nix/nixpkgs heavily but aren’t consumed by them. (Kind of like how IFD is supported by nix but disallowed in nixpkgs).
Stepping back though, my two other suggestions “Intercept at the network layer” or a more native “Flake Support for FOD Dependencies” are attempts that maintain strict purity. Can we find a way to be able to ergonomically delegate to package managers like npm while maintaining Nix’s requirement for purity?
On the Language: TypeScript, Laziness, and the “Skin-Deep” Problem
Great points, jaen and bme – that’s the core challenge I’ve been wrestling with myself. And 100% agree, a naive, direct translation from TypeScript is a non-starter since it won’t be able to leverage the massive nix ecosystem.
To clarify the approach of my PoC, as jkarni asked, it wasn’t a transpiler, but an alternative syntax. The idea was to extend the Nix parser (in my case, using SWC) to accept a functional-friendly subset of TypeScript that has a clear 1:1 mapping to Nix grammar (const x = 1 → let x = 1). The runtime is still Nix, unsupported TypeScript features would be caught by an ESLint rule.
My hunch is that this solves the “Skip-Deep Problem”: since the runtime is still Nix, you can call any Nix function (and vice-versa). The main work that would be left is generating .d.ts files for nixpkgs to provide the types.
I’m thrilled to learn about garn/garnix. That sounds like a transformative project that hits on some of the exact pain-points that could be a massive unlock! Excited to dive in more.
On The Bigger Picture: “Developers, Developers, Developers” 
These proposals are just potential paths to the same goal: making Nix’s superpowers accessible to everyone. My core question to the community is this: what do you believe is the single biggest problem to solve to unlock mainstream adoption?